to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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