i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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