Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
