I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am spending my child support on dildos
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
