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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.

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• (315): View more from New York

  We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.

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• (323): View more from California

  Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit

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• (516): View more from New York

  A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.

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