dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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