is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
