Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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