Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
