I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
