This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
