just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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