and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
