I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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