My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
