When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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