Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
