A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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