he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
