You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
