i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
