The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm too high and old for this...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
