Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
