like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
