I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
