Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
