Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
