Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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