I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
