she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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