sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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