she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
