lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
