So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I could fuck to npr.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
