oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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