Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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