i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
