The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
