And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
