Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
