Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
