Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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