so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
