Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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