I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
