there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
