I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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