woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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