You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
