I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
