just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
