Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
