At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
