Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
