Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The adults are the big ones right?
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