are you so shy because you have an std?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
