that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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