I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
