Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So apparently I’m into choking now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
