I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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