and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
