ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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