yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
