He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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