All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
