.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
