I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
