it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize