Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
please don't ironically join a cult
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
