I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
