I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
