I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
