if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
