how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
